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by ChrisWrites



Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: F/F, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Recovery, Threesome - F/F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 01:58:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12355092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisWrites/pseuds/ChrisWrites
Summary: As long as Chris had been dating Hibiki and Miku, she kept herself out of the bedroom. One time they ask her to join them; the second time, she accepts.





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**Author's Note:**

> Been dying for some fic that really addresses Chris's sexual abuse and recovery through it, but most of the Chris fic is so hypersexual, I just wrote my own. Hibiki and Miku hold Chris's hand and ease her into a safe and good time. Contains content warnings for mentions of Chris's past, but no detail.
> 
> Outlined with Parme-tan, and she and others have been begging me to write it out for a while now. So as thanks to friends, here's almost 10k words of it.

It was just another of Hibiki’s well-intentioned offers. Chris was piled on the couch with her and Miku, watching a movie together after dinner. Hibiki became distracted by Miku, as was inevitable, and as was also inevitable, Chris was dragged into some heavy kissing, and kept herself at the very edge of their physical affection. It wasn’t long before Hibiki whispered something into Miku’s ear; Chris knew they were about to disappear into the bedroom.

Chris waved them off after wiping her mouth dry on the back of her hand. “Yeah, I know, I’ll see you when you’re done.”

“Chris-chan!” Hibiki leapt forward to hold the hand Chris was shooing them with. “You should come with us!”

“Wh- huh!?” Chris backed away once she realized what Hibiki said, and Miku patted Hibiki’s arm to remind her to let go.

“You always stay out here,” Hibiki said loudly enough that Chris was reflexively shy about being overheard, despite being alone in the apartment. “Come with us today!”

Chris only stared at Hibiki, then glanced between her and Miku. Miku expanded on what Hibiki said with, “We love you, Chris. And we wanted to know if you wanted to join us this time.”

Hibiki and Miku stared Chris down, and her distress peaked. “Join?” she squeaked out, afraid that she understood what they meant.

“Chris,” Miku said seriously, putting a hand on Chris’s knee. “Do you want to have sex with us?”

“S- S....” Chris stuttered and her mouth dried out.

“We don’t want to leave you out, we love you!” Hibiki repeated, smiling brightly as she pulled Miku into a side hug.

 _Love_ , Chris repeated in her head. They told her this all the time, as often as they could. “ _It’s important that you know we love you._ ” She’d been too afraid to say it back, but in any case, she’d learned to admit she cared about them, and she trusted them.

“You wouldn’t have to do anything,” Miku continued, pulling Chris out of her thoughts. “We’ll take care of you.”

Chris toyed with a strand of hair, not looking at either of them. “Alright....” There was no reason to not trust them, and if they were offering, this was a good opportunity to step past her comfort zone.

It felt like only an instant passed between Hibiki trying to take Chris’s shirt off, and the situation Chris found herself in. She was on the couch still, coming back from a blackout, and looked down at Hibiki, who was sitting up on the floor and rubbing the side of her face. Miku knelt on the floor next to Hibiki, looking far more concerned and trying to force an icepack on her.

“I....” Chris looked at Hibiki, and down at her clenched fist, piecing together the brief gap in her memory of just seconds ago. “I’m sorry... Hibi....” She swallowed and clenched her teeth; an apology wouldn’t be enough to make up for it, but she didn’t know what else to do.

“Sorry, Chris-chan.” Hibiki winced as she touched her quickly-swelling cheek, but brushed it off with a short laugh. “I thought you’d tell me if it was too much.”

“I didn’t...” _even realize it_. Chris thought she’d been doing well, even making progress, since getting together. She’d been able to overcome the instinct to run or fight when they surrounded her, as long as it wasn’t by surprise.

“Miku it’s _cold_!” Hibiki complained when Miku rested the ice on her face.

“It’ll feel better if you stop fighting.” Miku held the opposite side of Hibiki’s face to keep her in place, and kissed her forehead just above the icepack.

There was something about the situation that Chris couldn’t handle. The fact that she’d accidentally hurt Hibiki when she just said she trusted her, and the way she lashed out despite that, and how they were acting more like she’d just dropped a glass and they were left to clean up the spill.... Chris almost _needed_ them to yell at her for closure, and she felt revulsed with herself for being unsatisfied with the fact that her girlfriends were too kind to admonish her.

Chris threw herself off the couch and said, “I’m going out.”

“Chris-chan!”

“Chris, wait!”

The two called out to Chris simultaneously as she grabbed a set of keys off the wall. Chris squeezed her eyes shut and said, “I’ll be back soon. You two have fun.” She rushed out and slammed the door behind her before she could hear them protest.

The sun was setting, and it was still warm and too humid outside. Her chest was tight and her whole body felt heavy, and the thick, hot air wasn’t helping. She thought about where she could go to calm herself, and quickly realized she’d left her wallet inside. It was out of the question to go back in already, so she would have to live with the consequences of rushing out and find something to do without spending money.

With a growl no one was around to hear, she headed down the stairs to take a walk around a few blocks that weren’t visible from the apartment’s windows.

* * *

 

When Chris returned home that night, she wouldn’t look either of them in the eyes. Hibiki started to ask her where she was, but out of the corner of Chris’s eye, she saw Miku place a hand on Hibiki’s shoulder, silencing her. Without a word, Chris passed by them on her way to the spare room.

“Chris,” she heard Miku call out, but she kept going and locked the door behind her. The spare key was right on top of the door frame on the other side, and the other two weren’t going to come in whether it was locked or not, but she felt better when she could feel and hear the little _click_ as the latch turned.

Making her way to the bed was too much effort, so Chris slumped against the door. While it was officially the spare bedroom, it was more Chris’s room than any guest’s, even though the three of them shared one bed in the master bedroom. She needed space often enough that Hibiki and Miku had even talked about moving into a place with three bedrooms so that a guest room could retain its intended function while Chris was in the other.

Chris knew they were only being considerate, but she felt like a burden. She let herself slide down and sit on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. This really should have been the guest bedroom, and not the place she spent as much time in as her own shared room. It was because of her and her problems that Hibiki and Miku were inconvenienced like this.

She’d gone over this with them before, and even more times in her own head. They’d told her everything she thought she wanted to hear – “ _We love you and want to work with you through everything,_ ” “ _We won’t tell you when we’re tired of you because that’ll never happen_ ” – but it didn’t always help. There were those times, such as now, where she convinced herself that it was only proof they pitied her.

A knock on the door she was still sitting against jolted her to alertness, and Miku’s quiet call of, “Chris?”

Chris rubbed her eyes dry and fought down the lump in her throat; she didn’t realize she’d become so choked up while lost in thought. “What?"

There was no reply, and Chris wondered if Miku left. Finally, Miku spoke again. “I brought you dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.” She knew she would be later, but it felt more crucial that she avoid them now.

“I’m not leaving until you take it.” The doorknob jiggled, and Chris tensed her whole body at the sound. Miku didn’t try again, instead saying, “Chris, please open the door.” Another pause as Chris kept to herself. “I made beef bowls.”

Guilt convinced Chris to stand up again, and she raised a shaky hand to the lock. They didn’t often cook, and she would feel like trash if she turned it down, not to mention she’d regret missing out. She pulled the door open an inch, and Miku was standing in the hall, holding a bowl and a pair of chopsticks.

With a smile, Miku held the bowl out, full of beef and rice as promised. Chris cracked the door open enough to take it and froze in place. She wanted to shut the door and be left to herself again, but her hand tightened around the knob and wouldn’t move.

“It’s going to get cold if you don’t eat it,” Miku said. Chris watched her, waiting for her to ask for an explanation or apology, but nothing came.

“Yeah....” Chris trailed off, staring into the bowl in her hand. It was barely warm, and she wondered how long she’d been out if they had finished dinner long enough ago that it was starting to cool.

“Do you need anything else?” Miku asked after Chris continued to not make a move.

“Nah, I... I’m good....” She was self-conscious now, having come out of the room to take food before continuing to ignore them, but embarrassment was better than overbearing guilt. “Just, tell her I’m sorry. I really am.”

“We know, Chris.” Miku’s smile widened. “I’ll tell her for you.”

Chris wasn’t sure if she felt grateful that they knew she didn’t mean any harm, or patronized that they were making assumptions about her. “Thanks.”

Silence passed again before Chris awkwardly closed the door, and she heard Miku’s footsteps fade as she walked away. Chris decided she could go out for a proper apology in the morning. Tonight, she would sleep off the lingering adrenaline, after finishing dinner.

* * *

 

One of the many positive things Chris could say about Hibiki and Miku was that when she was having trouble, they didn’t pursue the issue. She left her room the next morning met only with greetings, and no questions the following days either. They gave her, her space, and didn’t ask for explanations when she didn’t offer any.

Chris felt like she was handling it more awkwardly than they were. While she felt like an invader in their space, they never seemed put off by her sudden violent outbursts, no matter how many times they had to help her calm down. Even when it felt like apologies weren’t enough, she did that much every time.

She’d settled herself on the couch for the early evening, and Hibiki sat next to her, giving Chris a silent, longing look. With a groan of feigned annoyance, Chris resettled herself and held her arm across the top of the couch so Hibiki could nestle into her side.

“You want something?” Chris asked, trying to be as casual as she could. Hibiki was still sporting a black eye, but if she was ignoring it, Chris wasn’t going to bring it up and make her linger on it.

“Just time with you,” Hibiki said, scooting in closer so she could use Chris’s chest as a pillow.

“Ah.” Chris bit back the urge to call her an idiot out of embarrassment, not sure how to properly reply to that. “That’s it?”

“That’s it!” Hibiki moved closer to Chris when she saw Miku coming, inviting her to join. Chris was already squished between the arm of the couch and Hibiki, so it was going to be a tight fit.

Miku kissed Hibiki as she sat down next to her, and Hibiki turned to kiss Chris, passing it on. Neither of them spoke to her, but something was weighing on Chris’s mind. “H- hey...” she finally said.

The pair turned to her, and she grew awkward under their gazes as she mentally rehearsed what she wanted to say. “What happened last time, when we...."

“We told you, it’s okay,” Miku said. “You don’t have to-”

“It’s not that,” Chris said too quickly, cutting her off. “I mean...it’s about that. But it’s not that.” She swallowed nervously. “If- if you want to try again some time. I’m okay.”

Hibiki and Miku exchanged a wordless glance, and Chris continued speaking, over-explaining herself just so it wasn’t silent. “You don’t have to, I mean, but, if you wanted to. I’ll try not to hit you again. I know you aren’t trying to hurt me, and....” She trailed off when Miku whispered something to Hibiki.

The pair whispered back and forth, and Chris strained her ears but couldn’t pick up what they were saying. She waited, trying to appear patient, but the longer they held a private conversation right in front of her, the higher her anxiety rose.

After much too long, Hibiki turned back to Chris and asked, “How about right now?”

“Wh- now!?” All tension Chris had been holding back to say what had been on her mind released into one shout as the results of her actions showed, and they took her up on the offer.

“It doesn’t have to be now if you aren’t ready,” Miku said, hand on Hibiki’s shoulder as she did when she was worried Hibiki was going to say something stupid. “But we already talked this over."

“So that’s what that was about,” Chris grumbled, fidgeting enough that Hibiki inched away from her. “I wouldn’t have said it if I weren’t ready....”

“Then do you want to?” Miku asked, and Hibiki smiled brightly at Chris.

Without giving herself time to think about it, Chris told them, “Alright.” She’d already worked up this much nerve, so now seemed the best time for it. “So, uh, how do we do this?”

“There’s more room on the bed,” Miku said as she stood, letting Hibiki up, who stood next to free Chris. “We’ll show you what to do, you don’t have to be scared.”

Chris dragged her feet as she followed them. “Yeah, but...what if I...again....” The hallway seemed much, much longer than usual, and dread formed with each step she took.

“We’re not gonna touch you yet, so you don’t even have to take your clothes off.” Hibiki said, pulling off her shirt on the way, the complete opposite to Chris’s growing apprehension. “So you don’t have to be worried.”

Chris didn’t question them, despite her confusion of how they were supposed to get anywhere if she was wearing clothes. Crossing the doorway to the bedroom felt like there was no going back, despite there being no such restriction in place.

Miku began shamelessly stripping before sitting on the edge of the bed, and Hibiki joined her, immediately going in for a deep kiss. Chris stood to the side, too awkward to watch, too awkward to ask what she should do, and too awkward to join. She ended up leaning against the wall, arms crossed to hold herself as her face heated.

“Chris-chan?” Hibiki looked towards Chris, with her arms still wrapped around Miku. Chris looked up to her, but turned away when she noticed Miku’s bra fall loose. “Why are you over there?”

“Where else would I be?” Chris snapped, falling back into abrasiveness. “You,” her voice faltered when she tried to rein in her temper, “never told me what to do.”

“Oh!” Hibiki sat up and pulled Miku closer, and Chris questioned whether she should really go through with this if she was so averse to seeing her girlfriend’s bare chest. “We’re going to show you what to do.”

Chris balked and felt her face twist in confusion, and the pair on the bed shared a look of concern. Chris had already seen how this worked so she didn’t need a guide, and Hibiki and Miku knew that, but there was no tactful way to say that.

Miku spoke up before Chris could say one of those tactless things. “Chris, I want you to kiss me.”

“That’s all?” Chris asked skeptically. She trusted Miku completely, but her own subconscious tried to deny her that, and right now it was starting to win.

“If you don’t like it, then we won’t do any more,” Miku said. Hibiki backed away, looking between Chris and Miku expectantly.

With a reflexive groan, Chris took Hibiki’s place next to Miku. Miku leaned towards Chris, but waited for her to make the move. It wasn’t a new experience, aside from the fact that Miku was almost fully nude, and if Chris kept her eyes closed as she kissed Miku, she could pretend it was no different than usual.

Miku’s hands brushed Chris’s shoulders first, asking to touch her further. Chris reached for Miku’s sides, granting her permission, but her hands twitched away when she felt bare skin.  Miku’s lips parted as she ran one hand down Chris’s back, and the other to her neck, pulling her close. Chris’s hands found Miku’s hips again, and she willed herself to keep them there to affirm to Miku that she was still fine.

“Chris-chan,” Hibiki said from behind Chris, “I’m gonna touch you, okay?”

Chris broke off the kiss, forehead leaned against Miku’s, whose face was starting to redden. “Alright,” she said, voice at a low growl as she tried to raise it above a whisper. Without waiting for Hibiki to follow through, Chris tilted her head forward to take Miku’s lips again.

The mattress sunk as Hibiki moved closer to Chris, and Chris felt hands on her upper back, moving down her biceps to her forearms, before Hibiki took hold of her wrists. With her shirt still on, Chris almost couldn’t tell that Hibiki was entirely topless while holding her, if not for what was obviously Hibiki’s nipples against her. With a gentle tug, Hibiki suggested Chris follow her lead and slid her hands over Miku’s stomach. Chris froze and resisted, realizing exactly where Hibiki was going.

Hibiki stopped when Chris did, moving her hands to settle over the back of Chris’s, and ran her fingers over Chris’s knuckles.  Miku released Chris now that Hibiki was close, and Chris felt relief for a tension she didn’t even know had built up; she’d been trapped between them, Miku holding her close from the front with Hibiki leaned over her back, but Miku’s hands now rested open on Chris’s thighs.

After a pause, Hibiki tried moving Chris’s hands upwards again, and she followed this time, trembling a little and putting more into the kiss to steady herself with Miku’s familiar mouth. They reached Miku’s breasts, and Chris stopped again, unsure of what to do this far out of her familiar territory. Hibiki gave Chris’s hands, now cupping Miku’s breasts, a gentle squeeze, and Miku gasped into Chris’s mouth.

Chris pulled away in surprise, and Hibiki scrambled to let go of Chris and backed off at least a foot. Miku was the first to speak. “Are you okay?”

“I...uh,” Chris got hit with a shiver and balled her hands into fists, “I was just surprised.” She heated up from head to toe as her brain replayed the soft sound of Miku drawing in air, and the rush of breath on her own lips. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine!” Hibiki leaned over again, pushing Chris forward as she leaned for Miku. “That’s normal, watch!”

“Hibi- _ah_!” Miku cried out again as Hibiki, with little warning, grabbed at her breast again. Miku fell backwards, and might have collapsed if she wasn’t already supporting herself with her palms flat on the bed behind her. “ _Hi-_ biki....”

“That’s...normal?” Chris’s mouth felt too dry to speak, but she managed to get that much out. Miku almost sounded hurt, and if Chris were to draw from her own experiences, pain was going to be the only outcome. But Hibiki was smiling, and when she drew her hand back, Miku smiled back.

“It’s normal,” Miku said with a sigh as she sat upright. “Did- you want to try again?”

Chris bit back feigned disgust; if she put all her focus into not brushing off her discomfort, she might even be too busy with that to feel discomfort at all. With a short nod and mumbled affirmation, Chris initiated another kiss, determined to not stop early this time. Her shaking hands returned to Miku’s stomach and slowly made their way up.

Hibiki returned to where she was previously, reaching around Chris to hold Miku’s face, one hand caressing her jaw and the other in her hair. Miku set her hands onto Chris’s thighs again, reassuring and steady, rather than exploring. When Chris quickly brushed over Miku’s nipples, she steeled herself and didn’t stop when Miku shuddered.

That short breath was followed by another, as Miku appeared to struggle to draw in air. Either she pressed her lips harder into Chris’s, or Hibiki pulled her closer, but Chris met the increased pace. She fumbled around Miku’s chest, trusting that, that was the correct thing to do, since Miku had begun moaning softly.

“Still okay?” Hibiki asked, moving a hand from Miku’s face to Chris’s shoulder.

Chris couldn’t figure out how to answer while occupied as such, and she stopped her clumsy hand movements. “Y...yeah.”

“Do you wanna go further?” Hibiki took Chris’s hands in hers again, preparing to guide her, but not moving yet.

It was vague, but Chris had more than a slight idea of what Hibiki meant by “further.” Chris’s gaze dropped, but she looked back up to Miku’s flushed face once she registered the sight of a bare leg. Miku said, “She means lower.”

Chris recoiled as her suspicion was confirmed, but when Hibiki started moving, Chris followed. Down Miku’s stomach, further, settling between her legs. “What the hell!” Chris yanked her hand back and elbowed Hibiki before she could move out of the way. “Are you okay?”

“What’s wrong?” Miku was startled, but recovered quickly.

Chris looked at her hand, fingertips shining with something slick and wet. “What’s wrong with _you_?” she asked in return.

Miku looked behind Chris, to Hibiki, who Chris felt shrug. As casually as if she were checking for dirt under her fingernails, Miku bent over and felt along where Chris just had. “What did you think was wrong?” she asked.

“You’re all...” Chris wasn’t sure how to bring herself to explain it, so she held her hand out. “This stuff.”

The look of calm confusion on Miku’s face dropped. “Chris, have...have you never...”

Chris immediately felt out of place, and her defensive walls began to form. “Never what?”

Hibiki and Miku looked at Chris, and then to each other, the awkwardness palpable. “Chris-chan,” Hibiki said, “it’s, when you have sex...."

“So, that’s what it’s supposed to be,” Chris said, attempting to be nonchalant. For all three, it sank further just how abnormal Chris's experiences were. “I get it. I...don't get it. I know I don't get any of this.” Chris's nails bit into her palms. “So....”

Before Chris knew what to follow it up with, Hibiki gripped her damp hand tightly, and Miku rested her hand on top of theirs. “Chris-chan!” Hibiki said loudly enough for Chris to flinch. “It'll be okay!”

Chris didn't know whether it was appropriate to argue that nothing ever seemed okay. If they were willing to put up with her, _some_ things were okay in her life. While she was considering this, Hibiki continued. “Miku and I didn't always know either, but now we do, so you can learn, too.”

“It's okay to learn at your own pace,” Miku assured her. It went unspoken that even though Chris's past put her through more instruction than either of them, she was the beginner here; Chris preferred that they didn't bring it up directly.

“Wanna keep going?” Hibiki asked when Miku took her hand away. “Or are you done?”

“It's...fine.” Chris relaxed the fist she'd been holding and let Hibiki take her hand again. “Do whatever.”

Chris reached for Miku independently, giving herself a sense of control she'd never had, even if Hibiki had to encourage her once they physically touched Miku. Prepared for the unfamiliar wetness and Miku’s low whimper this time, Chris didn’t have to stop when Hibiki started moving.

“So...if it’s...if you do it right....” Hibiki stumbled around her words as she and Chris moved across Miku, drawing out sounds from her that sent heat directly to Chris’s face. The thought of being so lost in sensation that she stop herself from acting like that was somewhere between disgusting and horrific, but Miku not only didn’t ask them to stop, but encouraged it. Hibiki continued her explanation after a pause to gather her words. “It should feel like this. That means it’s good.”

“And, the, uh...” Chris, again, wasn’t sure how to put her thoughts into words and her voice dropped to a whisper. “The way she...sounds....”

“Yep!” Hibiki didn’t share her bashfulness. “She gets louder, too!”

“Hibik- _ii!_ ” Miku’s attempted protest only proved Hibiki’s point, though Chris didn’t see what Hibiki did. With her eyes fixed on Miku’s stomach, Chris was relying on touch, and Hibiki’s instruction.

“You try, Chris-chan!” Hibiki said as her hand began moving far more than the short strokes she was leading Chris through, and Chris’s heart pounded. A quick glance downward confirmed her suspicions as she watched Hibiki’s fingers disappearing inside Miku.

With a hard swallow, Chris followed Hibiki’s lead, pushing just a fingertip in. Miku’s hand shot forward without warning, and Chris flinched at the sudden movement, but Miku only grabbed onto Hibiki’s forearm, digging into the muscle like she was trying to leave bruises.

If Hibiki didn’t seem unfazed by Miku driving her short nails into her arm, Chris would have been worried and broken them apart. From the outside, she would have thought Miku was trying to fight Hibiki off, tearing at the arm Hibiki was using to overpower her. But Hibiki continued to watch her with that soothing smile, and Miku made no move to get away.

Encouraged by the security Miku showed in them, more so than Hibiki’s instruction, Chris pushed a little deeper. She couldn’t even consider matching the consistent pace Hibiki was setting, and instead drew herself in and out slowly as she worked up the confidence to go further.

“You have to go faster than that, Chris-chan,” Hibiki said, apparently unaware that Chris was doing all that she could to get this far.

Before Chris could defend herself, Miku tried to speak. “D, don-” Miku held her free hand to her face, gripping at her hair. “Don’t rush her, Hi- biki.”

“I’m just helping,” Hibiki said with a laugh, and turned to surprise Chris with an apologetic kiss on the cheek. Hibiki then leaned down, weight on an elbow so that she wouldn’t crush Miku, to kiss her neck. Miku cried out again, and Chris pretended there was no chance that had anything to do with her efforts to pick up her speed alongside Hibiki.

Hibiki moved to kiss Miku’s lips, and Chris found the side effect of muffling her more helpful than she, and Hibiki, probably, expected. While Hibiki tried to use Miku’s uncontrolled vocalizations to motivate Chris, she felt it only emphasized every detail of her actions. With some of that noise blocked out, the weight on Chris’s mind eased, and she tried to distance her actions from the result, what it did to Miku.

That separation of cause and effect became difficult almost immediately. Miku let go of Hibiki’s arm to take Chris’s with a grip that seemed too strong for her slim form. Hibiki’s free hand found Miku’s, lacing their fingers together as they kissed. Chris didn’t have time to think that it was awkward to watch them like this before getting distracted.

Against her palm, Chris could feel the irregular thrusting of Miku’s hips as she was unable to match the differing paces Chris and Hibiki set, and kept in time with neither of them. Although Hibiki was partially obscuring Chris’s view of Miku by laying over her, Chris could see enough to pull her attention. The frequent rise and fall of Miku’s chest, smaller than both her own and Hibiki’s, was hard to look away from.

Chris told herself it was like looking at a train wreck, something that was wrong, horrific even, that she couldn’t tear her eyes from. That was the only explanation to which she could admit; why she was watching Miku convulsing under Hibiki as she kissed her desperately, and why Chris felt jealous to be left out of that kiss. It simply didn’t make sense for her to feel the way she did, just from watching Miku fall apart. Chris told herself that, but she didn’t believe it.

Miku started getting visibly tense, and Chris slowed down, watching Hibiki for instruction. In contrast, Hibiki started going faster, nearly knocking Chris out of the way in the process. With a grumble to steel herself, Chris did the same, in an unspoken competition. Hibiki leaned away from Miku now that she was unable to kiss her, with Miku’s mouth hanging open as she took in ragged breath after breath.

After a single loud shout, Miku started clenching around Chris’s hand, and Hibiki slowed down, kissing Miku on the cheek. Chris followed suit clumsily, and then pulled out when Hibiki did. Miku stayed on her back, her breathing harsh but now even, eyes closed and more relaxed.

“Great job, Chris-chan!” Hibiki, while still holding onto Miku’s hand, turned and pulled Chris into a hug that was almost too tight for her to be just holding her with one arm.

“That’s...all?” Chris patted Hibiki’s shoulder with her clean hand, holding out the one that was just inside Miku out to the side. While wondering when and how it would be appropriate to clean it off, Chris realized both of Hibiki’s hands, one of which was also dampened, were on Chris’s shirt. She would have to yell at Hibiki for possibly staining it later.

As Miku sat up, she said, “That’s all for me.” She scooted closer and joined the hug, leaving a soft kiss, much more chaste than she was seconds before, on Chris’s cheek. “Was that too much?”

“Nah.” Chris shrugged as much as she could while sandwiched between her. “I guess that’s fine.” It was hard to judge just how enjoyable it was, if at all, so soon after, but she could handle it.

“Then it’s my turn next,” Hibiki said, a playful edge to her voice. Leaving Chris with another quick kiss, she took Miku’s former place and threw herself on her back.

Chris took one glance at Hibiki laying on the bed in nothing but panties, legs already spread apart, and turned away with a blush that couldn’t possibly deepen any further. “You idiot,” Chris grumbled under her breath. She bit back the more-violent frustrations trying to mask the genuine affection; this wasn’t the time to hide how she felt, and she wasn’t going to let an old, defensive habit do so.

Miku sat behind Chris like Hibiki did before, reversing their positions around her. Like Hibiki, Miku took Chris by the wrists, guiding her hands because Chris was too shy and inexperienced to do it without help. Miku settled them on top of Hibiki’s breasts, and let go of her once she was there.

Chris threw a few fearful glances between her own hands on Hibiki, and Miku. Miku only told her, “Go on.”

Stunned out of words, Chris only stared helplessly at Miku. “C’mon, Chris-chan!” Hibiki said, composed and cheerful despite her position. “You can do it, just like before!”

“Already!?” was all Chris could say. She felt her hands tense into fists, but she relaxed them as best as she could, not wanting to bruise Hibiki.

“It’s okay, Chris.” Miku sat close by, within reach, but she kept her hands off of them. “Just touch her.”

Chris wanted to argue that by holding still like this, she was touching Hibiki, and that instruction wasn’t clear enough. But she knew what they expected, and started moving her hands as much as she dared. Hibiki leaned her head back, with an exaggerated, “ _Aahhh,_ Chris- _chaaaan._ ”

Blocking her own name from her ears, Chris continued to massage as gently as she could. This was the most intimidating point they’d reached, so far. Hands were painful things, Chris knew. Hibiki had shown her the opposite could be true before, when extending her hand in friendship years back. But that was Hibiki’s hand, and not Chris’s.

Most hands were simply for hurting. They punched, they held too tightly, and they left bruises. Chris didn’t trust hers on Hibiki’s because she was with the majority in the latter category. Even yesterday, when trying this for the first time, Chris had accidentally hurt Hibiki, because that was all her fists were good for.

“It’s okay to be a little harder.” Hibiki’s voice broke through Chris’s thoughts, and Chris snapped her head up.

“It is?” she asked.

“It’s fine!” Hibiki didn’t seem to notice Chris’s resistance, but Chris could feel Miku’s stare on her. With a hard gulp, Chris did so, trying to put more force behind her touches. Hibiki was sturdy, but Chris didn’t want to push the limits of her defenses.

Hibiki didn’t seem to notice or appreciate Chris’s efforts. “You’re really soft for how tough you are, huh, Chris-chan?”

“Dummy....” Chris gulped again and licked her lips. “You’re not afraid it’ll hurt?”

“It’s fine!” she repeated. Hibiki reached up and took Chris’s hand, squeezing it much tighter around her breast. “ _Aaaah._ ”

Chris tried to repeat that on her own, shaking Hibiki’s hand off so that she could do it herself. It definitely felt like Chris was holding her too tightly, but Hibiki gasped with each movement Chris made, the sign that it was correct.

“Chris?” Miku spoke without warning, startling Chris.

“ _Nn_?” Speaking was too much for her.

“Do you want to try something else?” Miku leaned forward and reached for, but didn’t hold, one of Chris’s wrists.

“Alright,” she mumbled, releasing Hibiki’s left breast. Miku took Chris’s hand and ran it down Hibiki’s stomach and side, and when Chris worried they were going to finish before she could ease herself in, Miku led her back up. They went through a few repetitions of just sliding Chris’s hand along Hibiki’s side, putting a wide grin on Hibiki’s face.

“You can feel her like that,” Miku said, letting go so that Chris could make her own path across Hibiki’s skin.

“Hey, wait, you’re supposed to help!” Chris froze once Miku’s hands left her, and Hibiki sighed as she tried to push herself upwards into Chris’s touch.

“You’ll be okay,” Miku said, patting Chris’s shoulder. “Just do your best.”

Reluctantly, Chris repeated the pattern Miku set, with little deviation from that route. Hibiki continued to breathe out heavily, making small, pleased noises. “This is...good?” Chris asked. It felt like Hibiki was only humoring her efforts.

“It’s very good.” Miku paused before saying, “Can I show you?”

“Alright.” Chris’s hands wavered as she waited for Miku to show her, but her touch never came.

“I have to take your shirt off first,” Miku said, explaining before Chris could ask.

“I’ll...get it, uh, myself.” Chris released Hibiki without hesitation, but slowed down considerably when she gripped her shirt. They’d already seen her, scars and all, so there was nothing to hide, but going this far in such an intimate setting was a large step in a direction she wasn’t sure she wanted to take. If there was a time to try, it was now; she yanked her shirt off with one fast motion, trying to cover up the time spent considering this.

Chris returned to where she was before, now sans shirt, when Miku said, “Tell me if you need me to stop.” Chris nodded, and she felt Miku’s hands at her waist. One went a short distance up her side, while the other settled over her bra, mirroring Chris’s hands on Hibiki.

Miku didn’t explain herself, but Chris understood. She was both showing Chris how it felt, and instructing her how to do it properly. Chris’ skin erupted into goosebumps as Miku felt across her shoulder blade, caressing her bicep a little, with the hand on her breast unmoving.

With this new example, Chris moved her hand to cup Hibiki’s waist like Miku did, whereas before she was feeling across the surface of her skin with her hand out flat like she was patting a dog. Fingers splayed a little, Chris moved from her waist to her stomach and back, down a thigh to feel the muscle she watched flex and relax as Hibiki restrained herself. Miku’s hands followed the same route on Chris’s body, drawing out a short, hard breath from Chris.

“Are you still okay?” Miku froze, but didn’t remove her hands. Chris jerked her head in a nod and gave a small huff, failing to affirm verbally. Her point was made, and Miku picked up where she left off, fingers dragging along Chris’s shoulder up to her cheek, as Miku left a kiss on the back of her neck.

Chris’s skin burned everywhere Miku’s lips touched as she kissed a line to her shoulder, and Chris shuddered. Her gaze affixed to Hibiki, watching her start to squirm and rock her hips, almost hypnotized by the way her abs tightened with each roll. That distraction did nothing to stop the overwhelming warmth Miku provoked.

The hand Miku was running along Chris slipped around her waist to take her in a loose, one-armed hug. She whispered to Chris, “You should check if she’s ready.”

“R- Ready?” Chris’s eyes shot down to Hibiki’s groin, the only part of her still clothed, and she turned her head to look at Miku helplessly. Miku only held her hands out, palms up, offered to Chris. Suddenly aware of how sweaty she was, Chris took them and let Miku guide her back to Hibiki’s waist.

“You have to get these out of the way first,” Miku said, looping Chris’s fingers into the waistband of Hibiki’s panties. Miku pulled them down to her thighs, Hibiki lifting her hips high into the air to make that easier, before Miku let go of Chris and left her to do the rest. Frozen without that help, Chris had barely moved before Hibiki pulled her legs to her body to step out of them herself.

“Hibiki,” Miku chided, “you’re supposed to stay still.”

“Ah! Sorry Miku, Chris-chan!” Hibiki said, but without looking at her, Chris knew her voice was too cheerful to be truly apologetic.

Chris waited for instruction, but remembered it had already been given. “ _Check if she’s ready._ ” The phrase ran through her head, and she fought the urge to pull her hand back from where it rested against Hibiki’s upper thigh. Slowly, she reached up, before gently brushing the back of a finger against Hibiki to check for that same wetness as Miku.

“ _Aaaahhh._ ” Hibiki sighed loudly, startling Chris and dramatically thrusting her hips at the contact. Chris stayed there exactly long enough to determine that Hibiki was ready, and took her hand away as she thought back on their short time in the bedroom.

She and Miku had barely touched Hibiki, at least comparatively to what they’d done to Miku just before. Hibiki had her hands all over Miku, her experience taking the lead for Chris. Now Miku left Chris supervised but alone, just to run her hands over the tense muscles under Hibiki’s clothes, and Hibiki somehow had the same response.

Chris looked back at Miku helplessly, hoping for her to take the initiative even if out of pity, but Miku wasn’t offering help. “Go on,” Miku said with a smile, before kissing Chris by the ear.

Hibiki and Miku had more confidence in Chris than she had in herself, and despite how skeptical Chris was of her abilities, she didn’t want to let them down. She positioned her hand between Hibiki’s legs and took a deep breath before jabbing two fingers in halfway, afraid that if she went in too far or fast, she would hurt her.

Chris’s breath was as unsteady as Hibiki’s when she drew out slowly, overcoming shyness to watch Hibiki for signs of pain. She had no one else’s pace to match this time, and realized too late that she wasn’t experienced enough to read whether Hibiki thrusting against her, gripping the sheets and sweating, was meant to encourage Chris, or if she was bearing through pain.

Miku covered her own mouth to stifle a laugh, and Chris was both annoyed that Miku found her honest efforts funny, and relieved that she couldn’t have been hurting Hibiki if Miku was laughing. Her focus came and went, but every time Chris’s attention left the speed of her hand, she picked back up. Chris wanted to look back at Miku for help, but it was too hard to pull her eyes away from Hibiki.

Chris wasn’t sure how to describe what she was looking at, or how she felt about it. “Disgusting” might have normally crossed her mind, but right now, she was too confused to even fall back on that. Her heart raced, but she was sure she wasn’t afraid; she felt secure with them, but was growing uncomfortable physically. She shifted to sit in a different position, ignoring a vague, growing ache.

Hibiki laid back, eyes squeezed shut, mouth agape as she breathed heavily and moaned loudly. All her trust was in Chris; it had to be in Chris, because there was no way that Miku would be able to stop her if she was to try anything unsavory. Chris gritted her teeth and chased those thoughts away. Just thinking about taking advantage of their vulnerability, even if the thought was that she didn’t want to, left a bad taste in her mouth.

Even so, it was hard to not think about how exposed and open Hibiki and Miku were. Chris had been that open to someone before, and she said she would never do it again. It could only hurt.

Hibiki gave a more high-pitched and needy whine, and Chris realized she’d gotten too lost in her thoughts and slowed down again. Returning to the fastest speed she could manage, Chris watched Hibiki’s hips buck and her back arch, and she was almost struck with jealousy. Despite their history, from the moment they met to the black eye she was given yesterday, Hibiki trusted Chris enough to give herself over like this.

Chris wanted to be a good enough person to return that gesture. But while in control, she couldn’t stop thinking about how powerless Hibiki had made herself.

Miku placed a hand on Chris’s wrist, and Chris yanked her hand out of Hibiki as fast as she could. “What’s wrong?” Chris asked, surprised that she could form a proper question. It was a small relief that she wasn’t too afraid of accidentally hurting them to ask if Hibiki was okay.

“Nothing.” Miku smiled, and her eyes traveled from Chris’s face to Hibiki. “She’s done.”

Chris’s voice dropped to a whisper as she comprehended what she just did. “Done?”

Hibiki was still breathing hard, but each breath was longer than they were fast. “You did great, Chris-chan!” she said, laying still and flat on her back.

Miku offered her hand out to Hibiki, and Hibiki took it to pull herself up and meet Miku in a hug. Hibiki reached for Chris next, dragging her to them and wrapping one of her large arms around Chris. This much, Chris could accept without fretting. Hibiki and Miku’s displays of affection were so calming, it had been years – even before Chris agreed to date the pair – since she panicked about being pulled into a surprise bear hug as long as Hibiki was in view.

“What now?” Chris asked, face buried into Hibiki’s shoulder. She didn’t move, as even though it was a minor struggle to breathe now, it was easier to stay like that than face Hibiki after what just happened.

“What now?” Hibiki repeated, as if the next action was obvious. Chris knew what she’d come to expect after that, and it was yet another memory she wanted to forget, at least for now. As friends and still as girlfriends, Hibiki and Miku had been better to her than any other person in her life. Thinking about them and her own past at the same time hurt too much.

Instead of an answer, Chris shrugged, biting down on her lower lip. Hibiki spoke despite the silence and said, “You don’t want to be next?”

“Next!?” The offer snapped Chris out of speechlessness.

“If you want!” Hibiki said, rubbing Chris’s back a little too roughly.

Miku said, “You can just stay where you are, we’ll take care of it.”

“You two planned this already, didn’t you,” Chris asked, conflicted. Her own brain didn’t want to accept that it was possible for someone to be at all mindful of her in sexual matters. It told her to feel violated that they’d put together a plan for her, and she fought that with everything she had.

“We thought about how to make you feel safe,” Miku said. They loved her, and Chris was tired of invasive memories making her believe otherwise.

“Fine,” Chris said, willing her body to sit upright instead of hiding against Hibiki. She could never be good like them if she made no attempt to extend the same trust they did to her. “I’m...next.”

Hibiki grinned with an excited noise and moved away, staying at Chris’s side. Miku moved as well, sitting in front of Chris. “You need to take the rest off first,” Miku said.

Chris’s forced enthusiasm evaporated at the blatant instruction to get naked. Miku was right, but Chris hands didn’t want to go to her waist to unbutton her shorts. She started slowly, pulling her socks down first, taking her time as she pulled them down the entirety of her legs. She unhooked the bra next, thankful that Hibiki and Miku were so patient with her, and hesitated before fully exposing her bare torso.

Miku was politely looking away, while Hibiki didn’t turn away until her eyes started wandering while trying to give Chris a supportive smile. Chris wasn’t sure the privacy helped, because once she was undressed they were going to see her anyways, but the thoughtfulness did. She kicked her shorts off and dropped them to the floor as loudly as she could.

“Okay,” Chris said, the reality crashing down on her once Hibiki and Miku looked at her. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to seem like she had ahold of herself. “Should...I lay down?”

“You can stay where you are. Just trust us,” Miku said as she held one of Chris’s hands, and placed her other hand on Chris’s knee. Hibiki offered her own hand and Chris hesitated for a moment, considering that she couldn’t cover her chest if both of her hands were taken, but Chris just agreed to trust Miku. She gripped Hibiki’s hand tightly as Miku moved down her thigh.

Chris was unable to stop a squeal she didn’t expect when Miku brushed between her legs. Her cheeks burned, her ears burned, and most embarrassing, she was craving more of Miku’s touch after that small taste. Miku stopped, to Chris’s shameful frustration, to ask, “Are you okay?” Chris nodded. Miku waited for another moment before asking, “Can I go further?”

It was easier to speak than to give a wordless “yes,” and Chris answered, “Whatever....” She did want Miku to go further, but it was impossible to just say that when she could barely admit it to herself.

“I need you to tell me you want it, Chris,” Miku said as gently as she could make a command. “I won’t do anything if you don’t want it.”

Chris bit down on her cheek hard enough she worried it would bleed. She ran her tongue over her teeth before speaking, making sure the coppery taste was absent. “Go ahead.” It was still easier to say that, and Miku accepted it.

Running a finger along Chris, Miku asked her, “Do you know what you feel like down here?”

It’s something Chris never considered, but she let Miku lead her down, and Chris’s fingers met with that same unfamiliar wetness as inside the others. “Ah, wh- _Mm_....” She stumbled over her words, curling her hand into a fist to not have to touch herself anymore. “What....”

Before Chris could complete a question, Miku answered it with, “You love us, don’t you Chris?” Something in Chris’s chest and stomach felt like it snapped as an unidentified feeling was named. “I think that’s why you’re like this.”

“ _Aaaahhh!_ ” Hibiki threw herself to Chris, nearly knocking her over with a hug. “Chris-chan loves us back!”

“Hibiki!” Miku let go of Chris to try to pry Hibiki off, but Hibiki let go on her own.

“I know, I know, sorry!” Hibiki took Chris’s hand in both of her own, squeezing it so tight she might break it. “I’m just so happy! I love you, Chris-chan!”

“I _...nn,_ ” Chris tried to say it back, but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth.

“It’s okay,” Miku said, putting a finger to Chris’s chin to turn her towards her. “We know. Just do what makes you feel safe.” Chris gulped and her spine shivered when Miku’s hand returned to where it was before. “Say something if you want us to stop, or if you want me to go further.”

Chris ground her teeth and closed her eyes, trying to hold still to keep her balance while feeling so weak at every joint. Her hips twitched and compulsively tried to move into Miku’s hand, but restraining herself was harder than letting it happen. While sitting, she couldn’t move much, but just attempting the motion eased the discomfort from holding back.

A new fear hit her; this felt good. Chris didn’t want this feeling to stop, because it was going to hurt once they went further. She knew Miku wouldn’t mean it, but it was going to happen. It always hurt.

Another part of her had a thought cross her mind for the first time, to draw Miku inside. Experience said it was going to hurt. Something new and instinctive was going wild with desire, begging for Miku to stop dragging along the outside. Chris collapsed against her for support.

As if on cue, Miku spoke again. “I’m going to go further. Is that okay?” In response, Chris whimpered, knowing if she opened her mouth to speak, she was going to make the same embarrassing noises the other two had. She was dealing with enough without having her sense of hearing assaulted with evidence of how much she’d lost her grasp on her impulses.

“Nod if it’s okay,” Miku said. Chris nodded one time, bracing herself.

Miku slipped a finger inside at her command, and Chris let out a loud gasp. She fought for control over at least some of her reactions again as Miku made agonizingly-slow thrusts in and out. Chris at first focused on just that: agony, frustration, drawing it out for too long.

A few small noises escaped Chris as she realized those feelings weren’t pain, but impatience and dissatisfaction. Miku was easing her into it too slowly now, and this teasing was only keeping her full attention on what Miku was doing, and worse, what more Chris wanted.

“F...” Chris tried to tell Miku that she wanted to lose herself in it the way she and Hibiki seemed to, so that she couldn’t think about it anymore. “Fas, ter....”

She worried she was too quiet for Miku to hear, but Miku kissed her forehead and said, “Okay.” As asked, Miku quickened her pace, and the arm Chris was resting her weight on almost buckled.

Chris ground her forehead into Miku’s neck, enveloping herself in that. Soft skin against her face, the smell of their conditioner and fresh sweat, all of it was part of Miku’s familiarity, and it was overwhelming.

From behind Chris, Hibiki asked, “Chris-chan, can I touch you?” Chris wanted to think about it before agreeing to it. Her skin tingled and she wanted Hibiki’s hands on her to relieve it, but she was too afraid of pushing herself too far too fast. Hibiki spoke again, adding, “I want to show you what you did to me.”

That offer, the implied assurance that it was for Chris’s enjoyment and not Hibiki’s, was the tipping point Chris needed. With that fear, one she didn’t know was even there, assuaged, Chris licked her lips to wet her mouth enough to speak. “Fine.”

Hibiki didn’t take her time the way Miku did, but she was just as gentle. As soon as Chris consented, Hibiki moved one of her hands that was holding Chris’s to her lower back, running a finger up the length of her spine. Chris’s back, in an uncontrolled action, arched away from Hibiki, but Hibiki followed her.

It had been a long time since Chris had been completely touch repulsed. She still remembered it, though, and every day she saw Hibiki and Miku, she refreshed the memory of the first time Hibiki hugged her and Chris didn’t shove her away. Hibiki was the first person since her parents’ death to touch Chris and get an entirely-positive reaction. Tsubasa came before Miku, but that didn’t make Miku’s touch any less important now.

This was something Chris wanted to be able to remember, too. She recoiled at the notion of thinking back on this later, after it was over, but she wanted to look back fondly after the bashfulness faded. This is how she wanted to think of sex in the future; not her past, but right now, between the two girls she loved, hoping that some day she could return the confidence they showed while walking her through it.

“M....” Chris tried to speak as her hips quivered, and Hibiki’s hand moved from her back to cup her breast. Hibiki’s palms were rough. They’d been like that since the first time Chris touched them, and felt different from Miku’s. She didn’t mind the difference; the gentle touch of Hibiki’s calloused hands was just as familiar as any other part of her.

“M...ku,” Chris tried again, managing to say her name this time.

“Do you want me to try to finish you?” Miku asked, before Chris had prepared herself to say it.

A brief shock of warmth flashed through Chris, hotter than she already was. Whether embarrassment or enticement, she wasn’t sure, because both of those applied. Chris opened her mouth to answer, panting before forcing her mouth to form words. “Y- yeah.”

Miku turned to kiss Chris on the cheek again, and without provocation, Chris met Miku’s lips with her own, pressing her tongue against them as Miku moved faster. Chris hoped Miku didn’t mind that her kissing was much sloppier than usual, because she wasn’t stopping to ask. Hibiki leaned against Chris, sprinkling her neck and shoulders with kisses. She probably felt left out, but Chris didn’t have the capacity to care about that, either.

Chris tried to focus on everything, but it was too much to comprehend. She tried to focus on just one sensation, but was overtaken by those she couldn’t ignore. Trying to give each physical touch the attention they demanded left Chris unable to give it to any of them. All she could do was support herself on Miku and lose herself to it.

It almost hurt, after time that she couldn’t track passed. She became dully aware of someone shouting, and realized it was coming from herself but didn’t care anymore. Her insides twisted, and whatever that unregistered feeling was, she couldn’t decide if she wanted Miku to stop before it ended. Something else strong and enjoyable overtook it, and her brain whited out.

Chris came to full awareness again, still between Hibiki and Miku. Their hands had moved to pull her into a hug, and Chris was limply collapsed into Miku. Her senses returned to her, and she wasn’t aware that they were absent until then.

“How are you feeling?” Hibiki asked, too loudly for Chris’s now-functioning ears.

“ _Mm_....” Chris sat up, but slipped back down against Miku, the strength sapped from every limb. “S’fine.”

“It’s only fine?” Miku asked, and Chris was struck with embarrassment. Chris was saved from having to answer that it was far more than fine after Miku laughed and continued, “We love you. You can tell us anything you want, when you want.”

“You dummies,” Chris grumbled, trying to sit up again and succeeding this time. She crossed her arms over her chest and shifted around, unable to find a position to sit in that would let her ignore the lingering wetness between her legs. “So....” Chris revisited an earlier question. “What now?”

“Whatever you want!” Hibiki flopped down on the bed, holding a hand out and gesturing for Chris to follow. Miku offered Chris her shirt back, and she slipped it back on before laying down next to Hibiki. “Cuddling is always good after,” Hibiki said when Chris laid her head on her shoulder.

“That’s all?” Chris found herself still skeptical. It wasn’t always the act that hurt, in the past; she was always vulnerable after they were done, and she felt vulnerable now. But if she had to feel so defenseless and exposed, she would rather it be like this, with a still-naked Hibiki pulling Chris into a bear hug.

“If that’s all you want, then that’s all,” Miku said as she laid down next to Chris, opposite Hibiki. Last time they tried this, Chris panicked and lashed out at the very start. But right now, after going all the way, she couldn’t feel them against her enough. Hibiki’s skin, sticky with residual sweat, against Chris’s bare legs was more comfortable than she might have imagined it to be.

“Hey, uh..." Chris started, gazing at the ceiling. She was feeling bizarrely affectionate, but struggled to express it. “It’s true, you know. I, uh, I...."

“It’s okay,” Miku told her again. “You can tell us when you’re ready.”

Chris wasn’t sure they knew what she meant, until Hibiki yelled, “We love you too, Chris-chan!”

“Idiot!” Chris yelled, and then slapped her hand over her own mouth, taken aback by having her confession stolen. “Ah, sorry.”

Hibiki smiled as if Chris hadn’t just yelled that and pulled her into a tighter hug, while Miku scooted closer to stay next to Chris. Maybe she couldn’t say it now, but she would make sure they knew soon, and that she could tell them herself.


End file.
